book cover of Robots Can\'t Fuck

Robots Can't Fuck

A novel by

Robots Can't Fuck is a 5,000 word novella set ever-so-slightly in the future. This is a previously unpublished short by erotica author Alison Tyler who remembers the bliss of talking on a princess phone and having sex with humans.


Rosalie was programmed to be compatible with men or women, as she'd explained to Carly on meeting her in the hall.

"You're what?" Carly had asked, still unused to the whole living with bots idea. The Ambassador of Loneliness had decreed that all citizens adopt a bot-human relationship. What an easy way to combat the steadily reported loneliness crisis. With a bot in every house, nobody would ever be alone again.

"Compatible," Rosalie had chirped before showing Carly that she contained different-sized phalluses in her side compartment. She could fuck you up the ass if you wanted, and all the while she'd be balancing your checkbook or planning your itinerary on the next lunar module. She could even remotely turn on the ever-lasting-walkpath for your dogbot or set your food to cook in the magical, mystical no-pot-stewer. Food simply sizzled right there on the plate.

Roy had shown up right then, shut Rosalie's toy box up tight, and given Carly an embarrassed sort of shrug. "She's always telling people she can fuck them," he'd said. "I think there may be a glitch in the system, but my friends all kind of like it."

"I can imagine," Carly had said, except she couldn't.

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